[Chattering]
Did you give your friend back his stuff?
Oh, yeah. He wasn't there, so I left it in his room.
How'd you get in if he wasn't there?
His roommate let me in.
What kind of question is that?
I thought you broke in or something. I don't know.
Now, don't worry about this tablecloth.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Oh, that is really nice.
Don't be nervous. She's the one who's supposed to be nervous.
Yeah, well, if her family just wasn't so rich.
She's not marrying Matt for his money.
That's good, because if she is, she's in for a terrible surprise.
Matt was saying that he didn't think she'd ever seen artificial fabric...
before she went to college.
- [Laughing] - Oh.
This is so nice. I wish somebody had gone to all this trouble for me when I was getting married.
- Give me the glasses. - I got'em.
You smell like alcohol.
Take the back way, go up the stairs to the shower...
run it hot until it's all gone and you've sweated the liquor out.
Well, if I'm such a screw up that I can't even go in the front door of my own house...
You want to go in the front door, Tim? You go ahead.
Go in the front door and go hug your mother.
Is that what you want to do? Then why don't you do it?
- I said I was sorry. - I'm tired of you being sorry, Tim.
I am worn out with sorry.
Instead of being so damn sorry all the time, you might just try a little discipline.
[Woman] Phil, is that you?
Tim?
- You're late. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, good. You remembered the glasses.
And the shrimp. Aren't you good.
Yeah.
I thought we weren't gonna make a big deal of this.
Matt said that we shouldn't make a big deal of things.
Oh. Phil, a tablecloth isn't a big deal.
A tablecloth is a tablecloth. Where's Tim?
- Upstairs. He's, uh... - What?
Nothing. Uh... The toilet had a thing today.
Somebody stuffed it with little creamer packages.
I could have brought you a tablecloth from the restaurant.
For this size table? What are you talking about, Phil?
Come on. Allison is used to nice things.
Did you have to call the plumber?
For what?
- For the toilet. - Oh. No. No, uh...
Tim got it. He just kept at it.
See? I don't know why you worry about him so much.
[Sighs] [Car Horn Honking]
- Hey, there she is! - Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
[Both Laughing]
- Mom? - In the kitchen.
Thank you.
We almost did find a tenant, but he got arrested two days before he moved in.
So I guess it turned out to be a good thing.
Except that we turned down a really nice couple.
Karen, uh, cut the celery in half before you slice it.
- What? - In half.
Here. Like this.
Oh. Okay.
Anyway, this nice couple would have been great...
except they tried to bargain with us, which irritated Tom.
I would have tried to bargain too. You never know. It doesn't hurt to ask.
Considering we don't get free rent unless the whole place is full...
we can't really afford to hold a grudge.
Anyway, when we called them back, they'd already found...
What do you think?
Should I put these out now, or should I wait until Matt and Allison get here?
- Uh, whatever. - Hmm.
Having children is an economic thing too, though.
You have to plan for it.
And have some kind of savings.
I've always thought that if you've got the love, then everything else...
Lisa quit teaching school the moment Karen was born.
It was a decision we were prepared to make...
because we had worked and saved for it.
That's what you have to do.
Right. Right.
So...
- Is this it? - Yes. This is it. This is it.
Wow.
You've seen the pond where I twisted my ankle. Right?
You've seen the church where I was confirmed. Right?
My dad's restaurant.
Now, this is the high school...
where I became an intellectual giant.
[Sighs]
- Come on. - Matt...
Come on. This is the romantic part.
[Sighs]
This is where it all began.
Where I wrote my first published work for the Viking Ledger.
Won my first debate in interscholastic competition.
And I scored so well on my National Merit Test...
that I got a scholarship to Yale...
and met Allison Hall, the girl I'm gonna marry.
The woman you're going to marry.
- That's a 10. - Ten, 11, 12, 13.
- That's a double. - Whoa.
- That's 26. - I'm still winning.
- Twenty-six. - What have I got here?
Tim, save some of those for Matt and Allison.
- All right. It's my turn. - Gross.
- Shoot. - Where are they?
[Car Approaching] - They're here. They just drove up.
- Oh, but I'm winning. - Of course you are.
- You've got both blanks, two S's, the "J." - Oh, pout.
You haven't opened up the game once. That's why you're winning.
- You're a leech. - [Scoffs]
- Is the "Q" still out? - Don't look at my letters.
We're finishing this after dinner.
Here you are!
[Matt] Traffic is murder from New Haven.
- Good to see you. - Nice to meet you.
Allison, please call me "Phil." Come in. You must be starving.
- Hi. - Traffic was terrible.
- I'm so glad you're home. - Traffic's tough.
- It is. - [Laughing] Get out of here.
[Matt] Mmm, something smells good.
This is something else.
- Here's a picture of me and Allison. - Whoa.
- Sorry. - Watch it, Dad.
[Matt] Gonna poke somebody's eye out.
Here's a picture of yours truly and his bride-to-be...
on the most amazing yacht you have ever seen.
- Look at that. - Oh. That's incredible.
- Look at that. [Allison Chuckles]
Wow. This belongs to your father?
Well, yeah, but we never really use it.
It belongs to his business.
If we want to take it out, we have to pay to, unless it's a company thing.
Look at it.
Great paint job.
[Lisa] Dear God, we are thankful today to be here as a family.
We thank you for this food and the work you have given us to provide it.
We especially thank you for bringing Allison into our family.
We pray that you will bless Matt and Allison and their marriage...
- as you have blessed us. - [Sniffles]
This we humbly ask in your name. Amen.
- Amen. - Amen.
[Phil] Well, here's to Allison and Matt. Cheers.
[Matt] The church was built in 1852. It's incredible.
And the chapel was named after one of Allison's relatives.
Oh, no. It's a distant relative.
And by marriage. My family really isn't involved with the chur...
You won't believe who's being invited to the wedding.
The Kennedys. The Pattersons.
Diane Sawyer. The Kennedys.
Wait. Will you stop it?
You know what? We don't know them.
I mean, my dad does business with them, or he raised money for them.
- I don't even know which. - Karen campaigned for one of the Kennedys.
- Who was it? - Joseph Kennedy.
[Phil] Of course, we didn't know them either. [Chuckling]
- Don't be ridiculous. - Well, we could have.
We have a restaurant.
That's where all those congressmen seem to spend their time.
Speaking of restaurants, Andy is driving me nuts about your bachelor party.
I think he's taking this best man thing too seriously.
[Karen] He even called me the other day when I was teaching class.
I didn't see Kyle's name on the invitation list. What happened to Kyle?
Are we through? Anyone want seconds?
- I'll have some pie. [Karen] Is Kyle coming?
- He's transferring to Duke. [Phil] Not until the fall, is he?
- [Lisa] Oh, no. - What? What's the matter?
- I forgot to get the sherbet for tonight. - Sherbet with pie?
No, you. It... It's for the punch.
It goes in the punch. Your mother likes it.
- Uh, Matt, honey... - Want me to get it? I'll get it. No problem.
- I'll go with you. - No, let my family entertain you for a couple of minutes.
- I've got money, Mom. - Well, I, um...
No, really. It's really close. I'll be right back.
- What kind, Mom? - A half gallon of lime sherbet.
- Try not to miss me too much. All right? - Okay.
[Karen] So when's everyone coming?
[Lisa] Soon. - Thanks, son.
So, uh, Andy's gonna be the best man. It's definite.
[Phil] I told you that.
I think it's something...
something I would probably remember.
[Clears Throat] Lisa?
[Phil] Lisa? - Yeah.
Why don't we save the pie for when everyone is here?
All right.
Over here.
The youngest pictures are at the bottom...
and then work their way up to as close to the present as we can be.
We moved around a lot when the children were young.
I guess if we had anything to do over...
we would have stayed in one place...
or at least settled down a little sooner.
Still, wherever we went, there was always a room...
except Korea. - [Chuckles]
[Lisa] There was always a room like this one...
and after we got everything moved in...
we'd all come in and take a place on the wall...
and just start putting everything back up again.
I think it gave them continuity.
Yeah, no doubt about it.
We've always tried to find ways to strengthen our identity as a family.
[Classical On Stereo]
- I promise this will be over soon. - It's perfectly fine.
Uh, Karen. By the way, thanks a lot for telling Tim about Andy.
I thought you had told him. Do you hate me now?
- Yep. - Matt. You're awful.
- Almost there. - Are you going to West Point, Timmy?
No, I don't think so, Granny. I'm too old for West Point now.
Your father will be so happy.
- I'll go then. - What time is it?
Phil. Gene. Come on.
- Okay, I'll be right there. - Judy? Cindy.
I can't decide whether this is one of the benefits or the shortcomings...
having a professional photographer for a son-in-law.
I wasn't aware there were any shortcomings.
Cindy, come on.
- [Phil] How are you, Mom? - Oh, uh, Uncle Gene.
This is our first picture with Allison, so try not to make any noises with your body.
- [Laughing] - Thank you very much. Phil, smile.
Please, look like you're having a good time. Okay, everybody.
All right. Ready?
- Set. - [Phil] Is it set?
- Go. - All right, everybody.
Think "love."
- There we go. That was good. - [Chattering]
- It's a math problem. - Oh.
I'm sorry. I know I'm kind of scary-looking in the morning.
Uh, you mind if I play through?
- They're waiting on me downstairs. - Oh, sure.
Thanks.
- Whoa. [Chuckles]
The hair fairies came and danced on my head last night. [Chuckles]
Um, what is this about a math problem?
Oh, well...
it's either a math problem or a history question...
or a geography something or other.
You're kidding.
"I was the first man elected to the presidency of the United States...
who was born under the American flag."
"Martin Van Buren." Who does this?
- Dad. - Still?
[Spits] He's done it ever since we were little kids.
[Spitting]
You know, math problem.
Something he likes to call "vocabulary builders."
He has a lot of time on his hands.
It's funny, actually, if we get the answer right.
Yeah? What if you don't get the answer right?
[Sighs] Well, it's still funny...
but for entirely different reasons.
[Phil Groaning]
[Phil] Come on, Miss Grable!
[Shutter Clicks] - [Grunting]
Well, at least it was better than one of our family parties.
- Really? - Yeah.
My family almost never gets together without a lawyer.
[Allison] Yea! Way to go!
- [Shutter Clicking] [Allison Chuckles]
- He's so funny. - Yeah, I spend all my time here laughing.
- He doesn't like me much. - Really?
Well, I married his daughter and kept her from becoming a great novelist.
Oh, well, that was mean of you.
The whole concept of art photography...
is not something Phil appreciates, you know.
Wedding photos, no problem.
He likes wedding photos, but the whole idea that somebody might...
spend a lot of money on expensive equipment...
you know, turn their apartment into a studio...
that's very challenging for him.
- Aaah. [Shutter Clicks]
No fair, no fair, wounding an older man. Ha-ha-ha!
[Shutter Clicks] - Is Tim in school, or is he just...
- No, he flunked out. - Really.
[Allison] He seems pretty smart. [Tom] He is.
He also looks a little hung over, doesn't he?
Oops.
You know Tim used to be R.O.T.C.?
Yeah, Matt said he wanted to go to West Point.
I'm not sure about that. I think Phil wanted him to go to West Point.
Tim just wanted to do whatever Phil wanted.
But I think he didn't end up having the grades...
or, um, the captain didn't have the connections or something.
But you're right though. Tim is...
Tim is pretty smart.
[Shutter Clicks] [Matt] There you go. Nice!
Come on, Tim!
I'd love to see some of these pictures on the wall.
You've seen the wall?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
What, um... What was Matt supposed to be?
Matt?
Well, given the way Karen and Tim have turned out...
it doesn't really matter much what Matt does.
Really?
No. See, he just has to be perfect.
And, um, if he isn't perfect...
just keep it to yourself, because I don't think anybody in this family wants to know.
[Phil Shouts]
[Phil] Come on! - Yes!
All right.
[Karen] 40-love. Set point.
Come on, Tim. Set point. Come on.
[Phil] This is set point. Right?
Set point? Yes, this is set point.
Out.
[Laughing] Wait, wait, wait.
Okay.
[Ball Bouncing On Court]
Come on, Karen. We're waitin'.
In! Yes!
- Yea! - Good game. Uhh!
[Tim] Ow! - What the hell's the matter with you?
What do you want? I couldn't get it.
I would never have made that shot. What are you hitting me for?
I'm not hitting you because you missed the shot.
I am hitting you because you didn't try.
Good game, Karen. Good game. Good game, Matt.
Say something to him.
[Exhales] Gotta let'em win every now and then...
or they get discouraged. [Cackles]
- Come here. - [Laughing]
- You played so well, your father let you win. - Isn't he nice?
- Tim, you all right? - I'm not playing anymore. This is it.
- Hey, look, it's... - Leave me alone. All right?
[Matt] All I did is ask you, Tim.
- I said leave me alone. Okay? Leave me alone! [Matt] Okay, fine.
[Sighs]
Three months of driver ed.
One month with a simulator.
One month of behind-the-wheel practice with an instructor.
And the day you get your license...
with absolutely no training whatsoever...
you can crawl into the backseat...
and congratulations, you're a parent.
What do you think that says about our society?
Now he's started, "No one knows how to be a good parent."
This isn't about the back seat of cars? I can't stand this.
The most important part of parenting... Well, not the most important part.
I guess, reasonably, you can't break it down that way.
- It's preparation. It's key. Key! [Man] Hey, look!
It's the Carters, and they're taking their women out for a walk!
- Hey, Tom. Hey. - How ya doin', Andy? How are you, young man?
- [Tom] Hey, Andy. How ya doin'? - This is Allison Hall.
- I'm Andy Paulson. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
- Matt told me all about you. - Just remember...
Matt is jealous because I'm more popular than he is, and he can't stand it.
Hey.
I've got to get to work. I'll see you later, Andy.
- See you later, Captain. - We're coming, Dad.
- Yeah. - So, Andy, what are you doing today?
- I'm going with you guys. - Oh, no!
Hey, Tom! Put your wife on a leash!
[Allison] You guys played a good game. You looked like professionals out there.
Give me a hand in the car here, Matt. I got some stuff.
Sure thing.
I just, uh...
I wanted to tell you how much your mother and I like Allison.
[Matt Sighs] I knew you would, Dad.
There's a couple of things I want to ask you.
- Okay. - But, uh... You know, I, uh...
- I don't want to pry. - All right.
All right.
What I want to know here is if you are really and truly committed to Allison.
- For better, for worse and all that? - Yes, I'm completely committed.
And you know what you're doing?
- Did you? - [Laughing]
I mean... Well...
Sometimes, uh, we feel like we're...
locked into something that we can't back out of.
It's like the French in World War I.
- You know that story. - The Guns of August.
I read that in my eighth-grade summer.
Yeah, well, that was a disaster.
[Phil Chuckles]
So, you really and truly love this girl.
Yep. I do.
Well, that's all that matters.
[Matt] Well, I appreciate your asking, Dad.
[Phil] All right. Take this to the basement for me, will you?
Yes, sir.
What?
So, a bachelor party, huh?
What can happen? It's gonna be in the back room of my dad's restaurant.
- [Sighs] - What?
I don't know.
Just something about being here and seeing you with your family...
and all these things that you grew up with.
Mmm. I'm sorry. This is making you uncomfortable, isn't it?
What?
Well, I'm being a little too pushy. I'm sorry.
Oh, that's okay. You don't have to be sorry.
Later.
[Chuckles]
[Tom] We're supposed to be on vacation.
We're not on vacation. We're visiting my parents.
Do you have any idea how tense you are?
Yeah, it's all that talk about raising children. It makes me nuts.
Why?
Tom.
Karen.
We can't afford it.
We can't afford two of us, much less three of us.
I could work part-time somewhere.
That is my parents talking.
- Why should you work five million hours a week... - No, listen, Tom.
I'm not ready to have a child.
You are not ready to have a child.
By the time you think we're ready...
Do you realize what my parents would say if I were to get pregnant now?
You know how Daddy is about planning and preparation.
And the money.
Surprise, surprise. I didn't marry your daddy. I married you.
It's our decision.
If they don't like it, they can just take a cruise till our kids are through college.
I'm trying to imagine Daddy on a cruise.
A long, long, long, long...
- Tom! - Long, long...
[Sighs] Hey, Nick, old buddy.
Have a nice couple days off?
Yeah, went out with my folks on the boat.
- You ready for Matt's party tomorrow? - Yep.
Pass me a Cape Codder over there, would you?
Is there a problem of some kind?
Look, I can't.
You can't? [Chuckling]
What do you mean?
You should talk about it with your dad. Okay?
You're saying my father told you I can't...
- Yeah? - Yeah, I've been looking over the books here...
and, you know, uh, there's S200 missing from petty cash.
- Oh. I borrowed it. - What for?
- Excuse me? - What would you like me to list it as?
- Oh. - Blackmail? Extortion? Hush money? What?
- Blackmail? - Six months ago...
I noticed the day after the health inspector came...
you borrowed S150 from petty cash...
and you listed it as cleanup expenses.
- We can list it as that. - What's the point of this?
I'll tell you what the point is.
I'm tired of pretending, you know, that you're the great dispenser...
of orders and values and goodness...
and I'm some kind of criminal because I want a drink in the afternoon.
Fine.
I'm only doing this because I give up on you.
Nick?
Make the kid a drink if he wants a drink, and write it off to inventory.
I'm sorry. I should have told him myself. All right?
There. Are you satisfied?
Oh, yeah. I'm really satisfied.
- You've made my life worth living. - Oh, for God sakes.
You know, I resent...
I really resent the way you look down on me.
I try. I'm here. I'm doing something.
It's not like you're so much better than me. It's not like you're perfect.
And if I want a drink in the afternoon right now...
then I think I should have it.
I don't have to explain it to you. I'm through explaining things to you!
I've done my time on Maple Drive. Okay?
So I flunked out of school. So what?
Why couldn't we have just told Mom I flunked out of school?
Huh? I didn't kill anyone.
I had a bad time. So what?
Why can't we tell her and just move on? Why?
What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen if we just sit down and say it out loud, Dad?
Look... [Chuckles]
If I have to live this way...
I think I deserve a drink now and then.
If I want it. Okay?
I think it's what I deserve.
Why do you do it here?
Why don't you do it somewhere else?
Why do you force me to watch it?
Because I think it's what you deserve.
What I deserve?
I think you should know, Tim...
the last few days, every time I have seen you...
every time I have looked at you...
the only response I have had is to thank God I have another son.
You have all the advantages.
That doesn't work for me.
I look at you, and there isn't anyone else.
You're the only father I've got.
Which one of us is worse off? I wonder.
If music be the food of love...
play on.
Give me excess of it...
that, surfeiting...
the appetite may sicken, and so die.
- One more time. - No, no! Come on!
It's the fourth time we've watched it.
[Andy] This guy's my hero. [Matt] This is brilliant.
- One more time. - Oh, come on, you guys. No.
No. This is the fourth time.
- Put on me. Get to me. - I'm tired of watching that guy.
[Allison Laughs] Oh, that's great. Just what I want to do, watch you.
Okay, here it is. Here it is. Hold on, now.
Oh, hello. Hello.
- I'm Andrew Paulson... - Geek.
And as president of this class, and therefore the most important senior on this entire tape...
and also as an example to my peers...
I am pleased to admit that I am going to spend my entire future...
- groveling for money as a sleazy advertising executive! - Yeah!
- [Indistinct Comment] - I want to say hello to Julie...
and good luck to Kyle and Matt when they get to Yale...
and thank you, Mr. Edwards, for putting up with us this entire year.
And a hearty congratulations to Sylvester Stallone on Rocky IV!
Yeah! Rocky! Yeah!
I swear, you can't believe... They took, like, three weeks telling us...
how serious and sincere and honest we had to be...
for this video thing, and...
Wait a minute. Wait, wait.
- Wait. Just let me see this person. - Wait?
[Audio Garbled]
Push'em back!
Okay. Um, my name's Kyle Trainer, and, uh, I'm trying not to smile.
That's the guy from the picture on your wall.
I was on the staff of the school paper and on the debate team...
and Matt Carter and I went to State, and we came in third place.
Did that sound memorized?
Okay. Anyway, here it is.
Thor is graduating, and I've enjoyed drawing him these past two years...
even though Mr. Carlson hasn't always liked what he had to say.
- Hope he made you laugh. - Obviously, Kyle was paying attention during study hall...
because this looks very, very sincere to me.
It's been the best time of my life so far...
and I'm gonna miss it and all my friends.
That's it.
[Allison] He goes to Yale?
He was. He's, uh, transferring.
Really? Why?
How should I know? I haven't seen him in months. Have you?
[Andy] I haven't seen him since high school, except when he was with you.
- All right. We gotta go. - No, you're not leaving yet.
- Yes, we have to. - Oh, what time you have to leave tomorrow?
Oh, fairly early. I promised my parents I'd be on the Vineyard by tomorrow night.
"On the Vineyard." Did you hear that? "The Vineyard." Ooh.
"The Vineyard."
[Matt] Whatcha thinkin'?
Oh, nothing. It's silly.
Nah, it couldn't be. Not if you're thinking it.
- Oh, it is. - What?
- I'm terrified. - You're terrified.
- Of what? - [Sighs]
Thanks. Remember what you said?
About being in love with someone...
and how it never works out the first time?
Yeah.
Well, this is the first time...
that I've ever been in love with someone.
I mean, really, really in love.
I mean, I love you so much it scares me.
And... I would do anything for you, Matt.
All you have to do is ask.
- Ow. - [Laughing]
Good night.
[Sighs]
[Knocking]
Who is it?
It's me.
Hey. Wow, it's, uh...
- [Sniffles] - You look mad or something.
[Sniffles] Yeah. As much as I don't want to be...
I am a little mad...
and I'm trying not to be, but it's really hard.
[Sobbing]
I just keep trying to keep in mind...
that when you're expected to be the perfect child...
that you probably have to learn how to lie at a really early age.
Oh... Allison, what...
what are you talking about?
I don't know how to begin this.
- Matt, I love you. - I love you too.
- W- What... - Just...
[Sniffles] But we can't do this.
I haven't slept all night. I've just been up...
and I've been sitting and I've been thinking...
and I've been going over stuff, and I'm sorry, but we can't.
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, Allison. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- [Sniffling] - Shh. Shh.
Here. Here.
You know...
the funny thing is in the back of my mind...
I always thought that...
I always thought that you might be gay.
And I hated myself for thinking it...
because I thought it was my fault.
[Crying]
Look, Allison, I am not gay.
- I have never been gay. - Oh, God!
Allison, shh. All right, all right. I've had the feelings, Allison, but...
- Matt, you had a relationship. You had an ongoing relationship. - Shh.
You were in love with this guy.
If you love me, don't lie to me. I am not your family!
All right, all right. I don't, Allison. I won't.
Now, please. Shh. Allison, Allison.
- What? - Baby, please don't do this to me.
- I can change. I've been trying, Allison. - Matt...
You can try all you want, but you can't be somebody else.
Allison, please. Please don't do this to me.
Please don't do this to me. I'm trying.
Matt, I don't think this is the kind of thing that you can talk yourself out of.
Matt, I can't go through with something like this...
because your parents are gonna be upset with you.
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna get out of here before they get up.
Allison, no. Now, how am I gonna explain that?
How am I gonna explain that?
Matt.
Allison, please.
You can't tell people I'm gay.
You can't go around saying... You can't go around saying that, 'cause it's not true.
- Okay. - My par... Allison...
My parents would die. They would die, Allison.
Please don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me.
- Please don't do this to me. - Okay.
- Baby, please don't do this to me. - Listen to me.
Matt, I am not angry with you. All right?
And I will not tell anybody about you and Kyle.
What you say, that's your decision.
Matt, I have to go. I have to go.
- Allison, please. - It's okay. I have to go.
[Kyle's Voice] I know you don't want to see me anymore, so I'm not here.
Just put my stuff on the bed and leave the key with it.
I was thinking today, after you called...
about the day you first told me how you felt.
Those were the best three years of my life...
and because of that, the last eight months have been hell.
Sometimes I think you'll call or something...
that you'll say at least we can be friends.
But I guess that's not going to happen.
So, I hope, for your sake, that you have a great marriage and a happy life.
Maybe someday you might want to see me.
Until then, good luck.
Love, Kyle.
P.S. Thanks for bringing back my stuff.
[Chattering]
Scott goes four for four. Good morning, son.
- Good morning, Dad. [Lisa] Good morning.
- Ah, Karen? - Hmm?
- Isn't that your third bowl of cereal? - No.
- I think it is. - Well, it isn't.
- Matt, honey? - Hmm?
Isn't Allison coming to church with us this morning? Hmm?
Oh, that's right. You guys were asleep when we got back from Andy's last night.
Allison had to leave. She's already gone.
- What? - Well... [Chuckles]
She called her parents, and they were confused, um...
'cause they planned this big lunch for her and thought she was coming back this morning.
- So she left around 6:00. - Oh, Matt.
That's a shame.
Well, she told me to tell you guys what a nice time she had...
and, uh, she can't wait to see everyone again.
She was very impressed with you guys.
Could you pass the milk, please?
She is such a sweet girl.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
[Shouting, Hooting, Whistling]
[Dance]
- Zip! - Whoo!
- Come on! - Get down.
- [Chattering] - Here it comes!
[Laughing] - Here it comes.
- Come on. - Whoo! - Oh.
- Are those beautiful? [Laughing]
- Oh, wow! - Oh!
- Matt. - Hey.
- Gentlemen. Hey, hey. - Hey, Matt. Whoo!
Hey, our first casualty. [Hooting]
[Andy] Hey, you guys!
- Shh! Do you mind? We're coming to the biggest part. - You mean the best part!
- Same thing. - Are those for real?
Hey, Andy! Andy! Imagine if you had a little class, what you could do.
Hey, I have class. I have low class.
- Hey, Matt, where's Kyle? - He's at school.
- Oh, my God. Look at that. [Chattering]
Tie me up, tie me down.
[Chattering Continues] - Hey, Dad.
Why I ever agreed to let Andy do this I will never know.
I guess I really like you or something.
[Phil] Here. Go easy on this stuff now. - You can count on that.
Thanks for this whole thing. It's really wonderful.
- Yeah. [Hooting]
Look, I, uh... I just wanted you to know that...
I can't imagine a father...
being prouder of his son than I am of you.
[Chuckles] I look at you and I think maybe...
I did something right in my life.
- I just wanted you to know that. [Glasses Clink]
Well, Dad, I've always wanted you to be proud of me.
You and Mom are the most important people in my life.
Oh, Captain Carter, you promised.
Okay, Andy. Okay. I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
Uh... Ta-dum!
[Music Stops] [Whooping, Applauding]
[Whistling] [Shouting]
[Chattering, Laughing]
Okay, okay, okay. Be quiet, you guys. I have an announcement.
- As the best man in this room, [Men Groaning]
- I have an announcement. - Shh!
No, seriously. I have to get serious for a minute.
- No. - Just for a minute. No, no. I have to say this.
Because Matt Carter is my best friend...
- and I know everything about him, - Aww.
And the truth about Matt Carter is...
he really is a great guy.
Hear! Hear!
Thank you for that spontaneous and heartfelt burst of emotion.
[Laughing] - But, no, it's really true.
He's dependable, and he's probably the smartest guy I know who's my age.
Occasionally he says something sort of interesting.
So, it's really difficult for me to accept...
that he is going to have such a beautiful woman to call his wife.
I mean, somebody who's just as smart and just as nice...
and just as much fun as he is.
I think the only thing that keeps me from being completely jealous...
is the fact that he really deserves it.
So, God bless, Matt, and congratulations.
- All right, Matt. [Glass Clinking]
Wait, wait. Wa... Hold it.
Just, um...
Just wait. Uh, I have a toast.
I think a brother should be allowed to say something.
Right? Can I say something, Matt?
- All right. Good. - Go ahead.
Uh, Andy, introduced himself...
as the best man.
And that's a little hard for me.
I have a-a little problem with that.
I mean, you're all right.
You're a nice guy and all, but you're not the best man.
You're only the best man by default.
And if anybody knows anything about default, it's me. Right?
Now, I'd like to propose a toast to the real best man...
in this li... this little society.
Here is a toast to...
my kid brother, Matt.
The best man I know.
I don't know how he did it, but he did it right.
- Yeah. - To the best man.
- Hear! Hear! - Yeah.
- I love you, Matt. - Thanks.
I do.
[Hushed Chattering]
[Tires Screeching]
[Glass Breaking]
We don't see any internal injuries...
any other fractures, and the skull looks okay.
So, we're gonna keep him down here till tomorrow for observation.
- [Phil Sighs] - But I think he's gonna be okay.
[Phil] Uh-huh. Did he say anything? Is he conscious?
- I mean, how did this happen? - I can't tell you that.
But he's lucky. Very lucky.
[Lisa] May I see him? Please?
Sure. One person only though.
Now, it looks a lot worse than it is.
Excuse me. Could you tell me?
I was wondering, what was the alcohol level of his blood?
There's a law now, isn't there, that you have to check...
the blood alcohol level of a person in a car accident?
He wasn't drunk, Mrs. Carter, legally or otherwise.
No drugs either.
I'll check back on you in a little while.
[Monitor Beeping] - Ohh.
Ohh.
Wow. What's going on?
You were in a car accident.
You drove your car off the road and into a telephone pole.
Look, um, I tried to call Allison...
but I couldn't find her number.
Allison. [Groans]
[Sighs] Karen, uh...
- You okay? - Yeah.
It's just, um...
Well, listen, uh...
Don't tell anyone about this.
What?
Well, uh, Allison is...
What?
Allison decided she's not gonna marry me.
Oh, my God.
[Sighs] I know.
- Is that why she left early? - Uh-huh.
Why? I mean...
Karen, I can't...
I'll tell you about this later. I don't have the energy to go into it now.
But we'll have a long talk eventually.
- Yeah, okay. - Oh, and, Karen, you know...
Yeah, I'll keep Mom out of this until you can deal with it.
- Thanks. - God.
Well, look, I was thinking we can go ahead with the wedding anyways.
I don't know. I think people will notice if she doesn't show up.
God. [Laughing]
Well, it's just our family.
No... No, I mean, I'm sorry.
I know this is really, really terrible for you...
[Laughing] - But, um...
- you think you can wait till Tom and I leave to tell Mom? - Yes.
- Wow. - I really... I am sorry. I'm really sorry.
[Matt] As best I can remember, I turned the corner...
and there was this miniature collie in the middle of the road...
and it looked up at me, and it had the strangest expression on its little face...
and it was just frozen there, and I-I...
turned the steering wheel and I hit my brake.
And that's it. That's all I can remember.
That happens all the time, people doing that.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Except for, Matt, next time, kill the dog.
Just aim your car straight for the dog and kill it.
I'm just telling you this on behalf of the insurance company.
Oh, by the way, we tried to reach Allison...
but we couldn't find the right number...
and I'm pretty sure her parents have unlisted phones.
They have unlisted addresses, Mom.
That's all right. I called her this afternoon, and, uh...
she wanted to come up, but I told her not to.
You know, she's very frightened that my cast is going to upstage her at the wedding.
That was so funny.
- Yeah, it was. I almost hurt myself, Mom. - He did.
[Knocking] - Come in.
I asked the people at the desk if there was anyone here before I came back.
I thought, you know, this early...
You're okay, right?
So I'm told.
Kyle, why are you here?
You know, I heard... I heard you had an accident.
Okay. I'll go. I'm sorry.
Wait. Wait.
It's not that l...
I-I can't see you right now.
All right. All right.
Kyle! Kyle, wait a second!
[Door Closes]
[Bell Dings]
- Who else? [Lisa] Andy's father.
- Get out. - No, he called from California.
- Get out. - More to make sure, I think, that Andy was in no way responsible.
Oh, now, who sent these?
You want me to open this?
Uh, no. Mom, I got a problem here.
Thanks.
- Ah, you know, it seems cool in here. Too cool. - Mom...
- Are you chilly? Is it cold in here to you? - Mom...
- I need to talk to you. - I'm going to ask the nurse. I'll be right back.
So Matt's coming back tomorrow.
Oh, yeah.
What's the matter?
Nothing. I'm just... tired, I guess.
Oh. I called in and, uh, checked our messages.
Mm-hmm.
Dr. Bridges's office wanted to confirm your appointment next week.
Okay.
- Well, who's Dr. Bridges? - Uh, he's, uh...
Oh, how you say it? He's a...
I don't know the name of the specialty. My last checkup, I had a low iron count.
Well, why didn't you say something?
Look. It's nothing. It's a dietary thing. It's nothing to get dramatic about.
- What's the matter with you? - Nothing.
That's what I'm trying to tell you. Nothing.
Look how well he's walking, Phil.
Better than yesterday. Come on. I'll race him in.
- Phil? - Yeah?
I wanna put those flowers upstairs.
Sweetheart...
We thank you for this food which we are about to receive.
We hope Allison and her family are well.
We're grateful to be here together, but we're grateful most of all...
for the safety of our family and for the quick recovery of Matt.
For this and all our many blessings, we thank you.
- Amen. - Amen.
[Chattering]
Gee. I really wish I could help.
- Uh-huh. - I do.
Right. I believe you.
- I drove by that telephone pole today. - What telephone pole?
The telephone pole Matt ran into.
Curious thing about it was that you could follow the path the car took...
once it went off the highway...
but there were no skid marks.
It was literally like...
- like Matt just deliberately drove it off the road. - Tim, what is wrong with you?
- I am fed up with your... - I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Matt!
Is that what happened?
What the hell is the matter with you?
Look, man. Say something, okay? You're scaring me a little.
- Matt, what is this? - [Sighs]
I didn't have a car accident, Andy. I drove my car off the road on purpose.
What? Why would you do something like that?
Allison decided she's not gonna marry me.
Oh, man.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
- Yeah. - Really.
But why, man? I mean, what happened?
She seemed like she was really...
[Breathes Deeply]
We're friends no matter what. Right?
I can't even believe you would ask me this. Of course we're friends.
What the hell is goin' on?
Allison doesn't wanna marry me...
because I'm gay.
Really?
Yeah. Really.
[Mouths Words, Chuckles]
I mean, hey, you can't really blame her for not wanting to marry you.
I mean, there's a lot of things you can overlook in a relationship...
but... I don't think this is one of'em.
How are you gonna explain this to your parents?
I don't know.
- Don't hug me. - Geez, it doesn't mean I wanna marry you.
[Chuckles] No, it's the ribs.
[Laughs] I'm sorry.
You know something?
You're my best friend.
You're my best friend in the whole world.
The best friend I ever had. You know?
Same here.
Hey, this doesn't mean you're gonna start hummir...
Broadway show tunes on long car trips, does it?
[Laughs] Shut up.
I was just checkin'.
[Chuckles]
[Tom] No, I'm still on hold.
No, I'm waiting for Dr. Bridges.
All right. Thank you.
Hello. Hi. Hi, um...
This is Tom Gregg. I...
My wife, Karen, has an appointment with you next week. Um...
And, well, I know it sounds kind of crazy, but...
Should I be worried about anything? I mean, she says it's not...
Yeah, I'm still here. Um...
I don't know. I mean, is she... I can't...
Can you tell me...
Something about the first trimester?
[Ball Bounces] [Shoes Squeaking]
Pressure on.
[Chattering]
- How ya doin'? Okay? - Yeah.
Lisa?
- What is it, honey? [Matt] Mom?
How dare you.
What?
[Lisa] How dare you embarrass your father and me like this.
How dare you lie to me.
- What? - Lisa!
You told me Allison was going home to see her parents.
I have a note.
I have a note here from Allison saying thank you...
and how sorry she is.
What's going on, son?
What have you done?
Well, Allison and l...
We decided we're not gonna get married, Dad. B-But I was gonna tell you, but...
"But?"
"But"? But what?
But what? You were going to tell me, but you didn't?
Look, Mom, we're not getting married. That's all.
I think it's better we leave it at that.
No, I don't think so. The invitations have already gone out.
People know!
- I think... I want an explanation. - Mom...
You better start explaining yourself, young man. You owe me an explanation!
You already know. You know exactly why. You want me to say it?
- Don't talk to me that way. - Lower your voice.
No! You want me to say it?
I didn't swerve to avoid a dog. I swerved to avoid living this life!
- I thought it would be better to be dead than tell you... - I've heard enough...
No, you haven't! I tried to kill myself.
- No, you didn't. You had... You had an accident. - No!
No! No! I thought it would be better to be dead...
- No! No, you had... - Mom!
- I thought it'd be better to be dead than... - No...
Yes! Than to tell you I was gay!
I drove the car off the road on purpose.
I did it on purpose, Mom. On purpose. Yes! On purpose.
- No, you didn't. - I did it on purpose.
- No! - She knows.
Mom, you know. You walked in on me and Kyle two years ago.
I won't listen to this.
I will not have these things said in my house.
Now, you call Allison and you tell her that you're wrong...
that you made a mistake.
You go to hell.
- Matt! - Go to hell!
Leave him alone.
- What? - I said just leave him alone.
[Door Closes]
How does it feel, Captain?
What?
How does it feel to almost lose your child? How bad does it feel?
[Karen] Tom. - I don't know what's come over you, Tom...
but I don't think this is any of your concern.
I'm sorry, Phil. I'm 32 years old. You don't get to decide what concerns me.
Your standard of conduct might be sufficient reason for you to lose your child...
but I have to draw the line when it comes to losing mine.
What children? You don't have any children.
No, I don't. I don't have any children. I don't.
Because my wife would rather have an abortion without telling me...
without even telling me she's pregnant...
rather than risk upsetting you by having a baby at the wrong time.
You have a son who drinks himself...
- into a stupor every night. - Oh, God, Tom.
You've got a daughter who's ashamed of her husband.
- I am not ashamed. - Who's ashamed of her husband...
you're ashamed of me, Karen... and you've got another son...
who almost killed himself rather than tell you he's not what you think he is.
And I'm not prepared to be a parent?
Because I can't afford it? Really?
- It's about money? - Tom, we're not gonna talk about this now.
No? When are we gonna talk about it? When someone actually dies?
Would that be better? What's the military term for it? "Acceptable losses", isn't it?
Well, these are not acceptable losses.
I can't accept them.
I can't.
[Knocking]
Is what you said true?
Yeah. Yeah, Dad, I'm gay.
No, I'm not talkin' about that. I can't deal with that right now.
I mean about driving the car off the road.
About trying to kill yourself. Is that the truth?
Yeah, it is, Dad.
W...
Was it because...
Did you really think we'd rather have you dead?
I don't know. Dad, it's hard to know.
Well, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't rather have you dead. No matter what you did. No matter what you are.
[Sighs]
Listen, um...
Can you...
Can you promise your father...
that you won't do that again?
Now, I know...
I know things are gonna be a little tough around here, but...
I wouldn't survive it, Matt.
It would kill me.
Promise me.
Okay. I promise.
Okay.
[Sniffles] Did you talk to Matt?
[Sighs] Yeah.
Well, is he gonna call her?
Lisa, I don't think that's a very good idea right now.
What do you mean? You're just...
You're just gonna let him get away with it?
Get away with what? [Scoffs]
What am I letting him get away with?
With embarrassing us.
With humiliating us.
Maybe it's not about us. Maybe it's about him.
What are you t...
Of course it's about us.
All of it.
I... I've spent my entire life sacrificing...
so m-my children can have a future.
So they can be something.
Don't... Don't tell me it's not about us.
It is us. This is us.
What do you want from him, Lisa?
Would you rather have his brains smashed around the street?
Or see him hanging in the garage? What is it you want?
Do you love your children, Lisa?
Whatever they are, they're our children.
It's a lie.
It's all a lie.
No, it's not a lie.
This is a lie!
- And that's a lie. - Lisa! Lisa.
- What are you doing? - And this is a lie...
- No. No, it's not a lie. - This is...
Lisa.
Tom, please.
Please what?
It seemed like... What choice do I have?
Tom, it's my body.
Fine. This is my body, and I can do with it what I want...
and right now, I want to take it home.
- I wanted to tell you. - Well, now you don't have to.
I didn't want to go behind your back.
But you did, and I can't live like that.
I'll make allowances for you 'cause I know that's the way you were raised, but, uh...
I'm not your parents. So why lie to me?
- 'Cause I'm afraid. - Of course you are.
Maybe we're not meant to be parents, but we have to discuss it, Karen.
First, you have to come to a decision...
because I've put you first in this marriage all along.
I love my parents a lot, but, um...
I'm your husband first, and they know that.
I'm sorry, Tom. I'm sorry.
I know.
I want to have it. I do.
Really. I do. I just...
What if I end up being like her? I don't wanna be like her.
Hey.
- [Sniffles] - It could be worse.
What if I got to be like your dad?
- [Laughs] - [Chuckles]
You know I'm a mess. I'm gonna worry 100% of the time.
[Sniffles] I'll have to take off work for a while.
I told you a hundred times I'd get an extra job.
And I meant it.
It would help if you wouldn't be so nice.
[Chuckles] Let's go ask your parents how nice I am.
- No. I think we'd better just get out of here. - Yeah.
Mom.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for wrecking the car and hurting myself the way I did.
I know you had to go to a lot of extra trouble.
And I'm sorry this wedding thing has happened too.
I know you don't understand.
I don't expect you to, Mom.
But I did want you to know that I was sorry.
[Sniffles] I don't...
I don't understand how anyone could choose to be like this. It's just, uh...
It is not to be understood.
I didn't choose this.
I am this.
Mom, I didn't choose to be gay.
Do you think I'd choose to be this different from everyone else...
that I'd choose to make you and Dad this upset...
and I'd choose to lose someone as beautiful and wonderful as Allison?
And what about AIDS?
I mean, suppose somebody wanted to be gay.
Would they want to be gay now?
I don't know. And I don't want to know.
Then you don't wanna know me either.
[Sobbing]
[Glass Rattling]
Hello, Kyle. W-W-Wait. Don't hang up.
Uh...
I'm really sorry.
And I was calling to say that... No.
I'm callin' from a pay phone.
Well, things are a little nuts at my house right now.
I'll talk to you about that later if you want.
But, uh...
What I was wondering is if...
Uh... What I'd like to know is if...
we could possibly go for a cup of coffee?
'Cause I really need to talk to you. Please.
- Hi, Dad. - Hi.
Whatcha doin'?
Oh, I don't know. Waiting for you to come home, I guess.
You didn't have to do that.
Look, you have a son who almost kills himself...
and then write a book about what you're supposed to do and how you're supposed to react.
- How about that? - Sorry.
Yeah, it's been hard on you.
It's your bad luck to be born into a family...
where people don't always know the right thing to do or say.
I got it.
Homosexual.
There. I said it.
Didn't make me sick or anything.
That's pretty good, Dad.
I-I think the word, uh, "gay" is a little easier.
I don't like that word.
That's a perfectly good word that's been destroyed, and I don't like it.
Okay.
Since I have said the word...
uh, can I ask you a few questions?
Because... I mean, do you mind?
I'm just...
trying to think through this properly.
Okay. Go ahead.
I mean...
I've been thinking about this because I've heard it before.
What do you say about this thing...
about God hating homosexuals...
about homosexuals being unnatural or... or going to hell?
What do you say about that?
I don't know.
I can't tell you, Dad.
Well, I think we should look into that, don't you?
No, not really. I don't believe that.
Well, what you believe isn't factual.
If you go around telling people that you're a... that you're a homosexual...
sooner or later, someone's gonna say this...
and you should know how to defend yourself.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm not thrilled about this, and I don't want to give you the wrong idea.
I would rather you be normal.
I think I am normal.
Don't quibble with me. You know what I mean.
Yes, sir.
But whatever you are, you're my son.
And l...
I'm, uh...
That's all.
You're my son.
And I don't think I want people...
saying things like that about my son...
without knowing how to respond.
So we should look into that.
You may not know this, but Alexander the Great...
who I happen to think was a damn good general...
Alexander the Great was a homosexual too.
I love you, Dad.
I love you too, son.